News from the Sunshine State:
Giant Stingray Attacks Innocent 40ish Woman!
30ish Woman Preys on Innocent High School Student!
and in related news...
40ish Woman Preys on Innocent High School Student(s?)!

Wow. Did we have some heavy news this week or what? Now let's sort this out. First the stingray attack:
In case you somehow didn't hear, a giant stingray leaped out of the ocean and slammed into a woman cruising along in a boat. From what I understand it happened in an instant - one second their cruising along admiring the pretty blue sea, next second the woman and beast both lying flat on their backs dead.
Now don't get me wrong. Somebody died and that's sad. But did you catch the news coverage? First they tell the story "Woman attacked by giant stingray". Then they describe the beast - 10 feet wide, 500 pounds, all spotted looking and full of dangerous venom. Then they talk a little about Steve Erwin. Then they describe the nasty venom delivery barb, that every stingray in the seven seas has at the base of their tail.
Oh yeah, then they mention (in about three words), that the woman maybe wasn't actually hit with the venom barb. Then they put this nervous looking stingray expert on who stammers and himhaws that stingrays are actually pretty docile critters. The whole time he looked like he was afraid of getting tased or something. Poor guy - yanked out of bed and grilled about this evil critter's behavior on national TV. He was the real victim!
So here's the real story: every day thousands of stingrays leap out of the water without causing any trouble at all. This time, however, the 500 pound leaping stingray slammed into a woman. And thats it.
We'll have to get to the women slamming the teenage boys later.