Ok, now I don't want to sound all black helicopter or anything, but two stories came out today that prove that the Man is out to get you.
MAN IS OUT TO GET YOU STORY #1:
CLEARWATER, FLA - The powers that be in Clearwater, Florida, home of the Crazy Scientologists, are forcing the owner of "The Complete Angler" to remove the cool fish pictures from the tackle shop's exterior walls. Herb Quintero, the owner of The Complete Angler tackle shop, will have to pay $138 a day for every day after this Monday that he does not cover or remove the awesome fish mural pictured in the picture on the left.
According to Clearwater officials, Herb is guilty of "double signage". In other words, the mural is related to the business. Clearwater signage authorities say that Herb is allowed to have pictures of just about anything other than fish on his building. "If this was a picture of a bunch of monkeys smoking cigars, we would not have a problem" said an unidentified source of amusing sayings.
MAN IS OUT TO GET YOU STORY #2:
TAMPA, FLA - InterBev, the evil foriegn corporation that recently purchased Anhauser Busch, announced today that they plan to quit serving free beer at Busch Gardens. Ever since Anhauser Busch, brewers of fine beverages such as Budweiser Beer, Bud Light Beer, Busch Beer, and the widely acclaimed Budweiser Select Beer, opened the famous theme park back in the '50s, park visitors have been given free beer to offset the chore of dragging their kids through the park.
An InterBev spokesperson was heard by an unidentified and unreliable source saying "Americans are fat and stupid. We are not giving them any more free beer." Some longtime park patrons are vowing to never go to Busch Gardens again. Widespread rioting is expected later on in the month, or maybe in February. Ernie Hamh, who has been a frequent Busch Gardens visitor since the mid '70s, said "Here we are having to go back to work after having all that time off and then those guys tell us this!" while shaking his fist for emphasis. Ernie then went from indignant to weary. He stared at the ground with sullen eyes, shaking his head. "Damn foreigners can do anything they want, I guess. They got all the money from the Cold War" he muttered as tears ran down his cheeks.
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